What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
