She is in my trunk
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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