I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
