You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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