help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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