I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
