chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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