I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Come on in and take your pants off
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