my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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