New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
