How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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