i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
