He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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