funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
