I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk is not a location!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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