Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
