I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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