just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
