I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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