yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
