accomplished twins. life is a go
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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