No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
