Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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