the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
