After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Houston, we have a blender
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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