Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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