Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
