Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The best revenge is premature balding
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize