i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
