she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
