guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
