i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize