oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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