Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sext me about skeletons
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
