She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
