it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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