I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
