lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
