Sponge bath it is.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How does one acquire holy water?
You ruined the universe
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
