im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
