I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Watching her eat just hurts me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
