we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize