I wish I could punch you in the face.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
