I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
