I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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