well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
