i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
