yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize