I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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