youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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