You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize