you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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