i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
