You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
