I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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