My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Randomize
