try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
