chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
