In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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