he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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