Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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