You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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