She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Never underestimate the power of titties
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
