Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
