You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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