Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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