Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
