I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
