: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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