Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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