if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize