I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
