If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You left your phone here
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