I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
