he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
