The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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